The only Western restaurant in Haiyuan. I'm laughing here.
Showing posts with label Chinglish. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chinglish. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Business, Love, and Christmas with Chinese Characteristics
China officially calls its form of government something like "socialism with Chinese characteristics." I've found that "with Chinese characteristics" is a helpful phrase that you can add to almost anything. For example, you may see a word like "Christmas" and think you know what it means. Then you live through a Christmas in China and realize it has morphed beyond recognition. It's not Christmas: the festive, holy celebration of the birth of Christ -- it's Christmas with Chinese characteristics: the hip new holiday where young folks who have never heard of Jesus give each other apples, send "Merry Christmas" text messages, and go out with their boyfriends or girlfriends.
Let's have some fun with Chinese characteristics as I tell you about my last couple of days.
Christmas with Chinese characteristics
Lately I've been inviting my classes over for casual Christmas parties. We bake cookies, play music, and hang out in my apartment.
Here is Leonard, who took charge of putting cookies in and out of the oven. He did a great job. Standing next to the spice rack with time to kill, he started experimenting. Soon about 1/3 of the cookies that passed through his hands emerged from the oven with hot red pepper powder sprinkled on top.
Catherine also decided to improvise. Rather than making a ball and rolling out the dough as I taught them, she meticulously pressed it into a flat rectangle with the palm of her hand. Then she hand-cut the shapes with a knife rather than using cookie cutters.
Christmas Eve in China has come to be known by the Chinese translation for "silent night" (ping an ye). "Ping an" sounds like "ping guo," the word for apple. Therefore, using logic with Chinese characteristics, we can see that the proper way to celebrate Christmas is to buy overpriced wrapped apples and give them to our friends. So far, I have received three boxed apples and an apple-shaped candle.
Tonight we had a banquet with the foreign affairs officers of our university. They usually give us a Christmas banquet to express their appreciation. Nothing says "Christmas" like eating sea cucumber soup and toasting your leaders!
After the banquet, my team hung out for awhile in our apartments eating gingerbread cake with whipped cream.
Around 9:00 p.m., these guys came to the door:
In order to understand why they came, we need to back up for a story about business with Chinese characteristics.
A few days ago, my teammate Jason and I were in the office when two of his student friends came by. They were freshmen business majors, looking for some help with the small apple-delivery business they were setting up for Christmas. For the low, low price of 16 RMB, they would deliver a wrapped apple with a card and some chocolate to anyone on campus.
I sat and listened for awhile while Jason tried to figure out exactly what help they needed from him. Did they want him to help advertise? No. Did they need business advice? No. Did they want him to tell the other foreign teachers? No, but would he mind writing down the other foreign teachers' names and room numbers here?
Before he knew what had happened, he had signed up to purchase delivered apples for all of his teammates.
Apparently the service also came with a poem and a song. Lyonne, the business major below, gave a strong reading of a Tang Dynasty poem off his cell phone. Then he disappeared, whispering to Jason that he needed to arrange some things downstairs.
After the main guy disappeared, the other half dozen awkwardly hemmed and hawed, trying to decide which song to sing. They apparently had not planned in advance. It took them forever to choose a song, and when they finally did, it was terribly off-key.
Why did they take so long to choose a song? Why did their main guy disappear? It all boils down to a story about love with Chinese characteristics.
Minutes after they left, we heard a commotion outside and looked out to see this:
Yes, Lyonne had arranged a red carpet, candles in the shape of a heart, and students with sparklers to help him declare his "love" for the girl we saw above. It has become trendy on our campus for boys to ask girls out in romantic public scenes outside their dorms, but this is the first one we've ever gotten to see from our own apartment.
He knelt in front of her for at least ten minutes, softly talking to her. The sparklers burnt out and he was still on one knee. We know from other students' stories that he was probably asking her to be his girlfriend, but would she say yes? Gawking shamelessly from the window, we began to worry things might not be going as planned.
So we sat down for awhile and opened the bags they delivered.
Soon a teammate called from the window that things seemed to be wrapping up. We rushed over to see that Lyonne had finally stood up and had his arm around the girl. The students all clapped and we waved from the window. We couldn't tell, but he may have moved in for a few awkward kisses that did not seem to be reciprocated.
Let's all send our happy thoughts and congratulations to Lyonne and the possibly reluctant girl who is possibly his new girlfriend.
I have one more Christmas party tomorrow and then I get to celebrate with my team and friends from around the city. Merry Christmas to all of you!
Let's have some fun with Chinese characteristics as I tell you about my last couple of days.
Christmas with Chinese characteristics
Lately I've been inviting my classes over for casual Christmas parties. We bake cookies, play music, and hang out in my apartment.
 |
| Cutting out sugar cookies |
 |
| Common sights in China: students huddled together over a project and boys with arms slung over each others' shoulders |
Here is Leonard, who took charge of putting cookies in and out of the oven. He did a great job. Standing next to the spice rack with time to kill, he started experimenting. Soon about 1/3 of the cookies that passed through his hands emerged from the oven with hot red pepper powder sprinkled on top.
 |
| Leonard the cookie master |
 |
| Catherine |
Christmas Eve in China has come to be known by the Chinese translation for "silent night" (ping an ye). "Ping an" sounds like "ping guo," the word for apple. Therefore, using logic with Chinese characteristics, we can see that the proper way to celebrate Christmas is to buy overpriced wrapped apples and give them to our friends. So far, I have received three boxed apples and an apple-shaped candle.
 |
| Students buying wrapped Christmas apples near my campus |
Tonight we had a banquet with the foreign affairs officers of our university. They usually give us a Christmas banquet to express their appreciation. Nothing says "Christmas" like eating sea cucumber soup and toasting your leaders!
 |
| Me with my foreign affairs officer |
 |
| Can you spot the pigs' feet? |
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| Me with some of the foreign teachers at the Qufu campus, who were bused in for the event |
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| Banqueting |
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| The lobby of the banquet hotel had a Christmas tree and Santa -- two common sights these days |
After the banquet, my team hung out for awhile in our apartments eating gingerbread cake with whipped cream.
 |
| Christmas with American characteristics |
Around 9:00 p.m., these guys came to the door:
 |
| What's better than one Santa? Two Santas! |
In order to understand why they came, we need to back up for a story about business with Chinese characteristics.
A few days ago, my teammate Jason and I were in the office when two of his student friends came by. They were freshmen business majors, looking for some help with the small apple-delivery business they were setting up for Christmas. For the low, low price of 16 RMB, they would deliver a wrapped apple with a card and some chocolate to anyone on campus.
I sat and listened for awhile while Jason tried to figure out exactly what help they needed from him. Did they want him to help advertise? No. Did they need business advice? No. Did they want him to tell the other foreign teachers? No, but would he mind writing down the other foreign teachers' names and room numbers here?
Before he knew what had happened, he had signed up to purchase delivered apples for all of his teammates.
 |
| Apple deliverers. Pay attention to the girl on the right; she becomes important later. |
Apparently the service also came with a poem and a song. Lyonne, the business major below, gave a strong reading of a Tang Dynasty poem off his cell phone. Then he disappeared, whispering to Jason that he needed to arrange some things downstairs.
 |
| The reading of the poem. This guy also becomes important in about a minute. |
After the main guy disappeared, the other half dozen awkwardly hemmed and hawed, trying to decide which song to sing. They apparently had not planned in advance. It took them forever to choose a song, and when they finally did, it was terribly off-key.
 |
| Singing lyrics off the cell phone |
Why did they take so long to choose a song? Why did their main guy disappear? It all boils down to a story about love with Chinese characteristics.
Minutes after they left, we heard a commotion outside and looked out to see this:
Yes, Lyonne had arranged a red carpet, candles in the shape of a heart, and students with sparklers to help him declare his "love" for the girl we saw above. It has become trendy on our campus for boys to ask girls out in romantic public scenes outside their dorms, but this is the first one we've ever gotten to see from our own apartment.
He knelt in front of her for at least ten minutes, softly talking to her. The sparklers burnt out and he was still on one knee. We know from other students' stories that he was probably asking her to be his girlfriend, but would she say yes? Gawking shamelessly from the window, we began to worry things might not be going as planned.
So we sat down for awhile and opened the bags they delivered.
 |
| The contents of our gift bags: an orange, an apple, a chocolate bar, a card, and a rose |
 |
| Christmas card with Chinese characteristics |
Soon a teammate called from the window that things seemed to be wrapping up. We rushed over to see that Lyonne had finally stood up and had his arm around the girl. The students all clapped and we waved from the window. We couldn't tell, but he may have moved in for a few awkward kisses that did not seem to be reciprocated.
Let's all send our happy thoughts and congratulations to Lyonne and the possibly reluctant girl who is possibly his new girlfriend.
I have one more Christmas party tomorrow and then I get to celebrate with my team and friends from around the city. Merry Christmas to all of you!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
At the Night Market
Every night, vendors come to set up stalls, blankets, and hangers filled with cheap goods on the street outside our campus.
You can buy lots of different things at the night market, but my favorite thing to look at is the clothes -- lots of good styles and stylin' Chinglish.
Last week my roommate and I scored some sweatshirts there for 35 RMB each (about $5). They're warm, soft, and almost perfect:
In fact, I'm wearing mine now. (And so is Sara.) Here are some photos of the night market:
And now, the Chinglish:
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| You areablessing that myentirebeingh very thankful for I feel thatwe were made tolove,liften, understand and who ouohal taes inow (something) together individually. |
 | |
| Standing at feeling, cuted and all, letters sweeting |
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| Hnppy rhiny is a worldfamous fashion brand |
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| This is my costume. |
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| Stylish girl scat forever |
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| Not Chinglish, but still stylin' |
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| FACT: H gumes crayy |
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Friday, September 24, 2010
UBC Snapshots
In another surprising leap of modernization (and Westernization?), Qufu has acquired its first coffee shop. The new UBC opened last week, and my team went to check it out. Tarah had a latte, Chip got a strawberry smoothie, Mallary had coconut coffee, and I had a cappuccino, which I quite enjoyed:
We also took advantage of the free wireless Internet and the lunch menu.
The crowning delight was a menu full of Chinglish. "Business was brisk beef risotto," anyone?
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Grocery Shopping
In the last two weeks, pineapples have started appearing in the North Market. I'm not sure if it's a new fad or if it's just pineapple season somewhere near Shandong province, but I'm not complaining. The fruit sellers cut out all the seeds (or whatever inedible bits pineapples have), so I all I have to do is slice and eat.
Excellent. I believe I've purchased seven of these in the last week. (They've been great for feeding freshmen.)
Speaking of freshmen, I had a group come over on Thursday night for spaghetti and meatballs. Some of you may remember one of my early China cooking follies, in which I attempted to make spaghetti sauce by substituting ketchup for tomato paste. I fared better this time, as our campus grocery store has recently started stocking tomato sauce:
In my opinion, the best thing here is that the tomato sauce was concocted by the "Tianjin Seasoning Research Institute of China." Also, can anyone tell what food is depicted on the package?
I buy almost all my food at the campus grocery store or the markets just outside the gates. However, there are a few items (like Ziploc bags, paper towels, and beef) that I like to get at the bigger stores downtown. A new grocery store opened over break, and let me tell you: It is great. It's one of the least crowded stores I've shopped in in China. It's big, open, clean, new, and well-stocked. Lisa and I agreed: we almost felt like we were in a Wal-Mart.
As if these delights were not enough, today was a good day for Chinglish in the grocery store. First I found a "subtle iron wok." A little bit later, we spotted some packages of sweets individually wrapped in squares of foil. They resembled chocolate, but they turned out to be chocolate-flavored beef jerky bites. What??
The best find of the day, however, happened in the sugar aisle. I was browsing the brown sugar, when what to my wondering eyes should appear but this:
Yes. "A woman in childbirth brown sugar."
I have absolutely no explanation for the name, but I could not resist purchasing the sugar. It will make me smile for days to come.
Post Edit: I tried out Woman in Childbirth sugar for some muffins yesterday and thought it was about half as good as normal brown sugar, in spite of being twice as expensive. I'm still puzzling about the name. Maybe it has a special ingredient to help women through labor?
Excellent. I believe I've purchased seven of these in the last week. (They've been great for feeding freshmen.)
Speaking of freshmen, I had a group come over on Thursday night for spaghetti and meatballs. Some of you may remember one of my early China cooking follies, in which I attempted to make spaghetti sauce by substituting ketchup for tomato paste. I fared better this time, as our campus grocery store has recently started stocking tomato sauce:
In my opinion, the best thing here is that the tomato sauce was concocted by the "Tianjin Seasoning Research Institute of China." Also, can anyone tell what food is depicted on the package?
I buy almost all my food at the campus grocery store or the markets just outside the gates. However, there are a few items (like Ziploc bags, paper towels, and beef) that I like to get at the bigger stores downtown. A new grocery store opened over break, and let me tell you: It is great. It's one of the least crowded stores I've shopped in in China. It's big, open, clean, new, and well-stocked. Lisa and I agreed: we almost felt like we were in a Wal-Mart.
As if these delights were not enough, today was a good day for Chinglish in the grocery store. First I found a "subtle iron wok." A little bit later, we spotted some packages of sweets individually wrapped in squares of foil. They resembled chocolate, but they turned out to be chocolate-flavored beef jerky bites. What??
The best find of the day, however, happened in the sugar aisle. I was browsing the brown sugar, when what to my wondering eyes should appear but this:
Yes. "A woman in childbirth brown sugar."
I have absolutely no explanation for the name, but I could not resist purchasing the sugar. It will make me smile for days to come.
Post Edit: I tried out Woman in Childbirth sugar for some muffins yesterday and thought it was about half as good as normal brown sugar, in spite of being twice as expensive. I'm still puzzling about the name. Maybe it has a special ingredient to help women through labor?
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